Putting things out on the web..

I remember the first blog I ever had. Oh man, I was so honest in it, I maintained it like crazy at first and then..... the comments came. Oh how they came. Everyone had something to say about the things that you are sharing and at some point I think I was just done. So I stopped sharing and just let the blog kinda fade away.

Now that I'm trying to get into this whole blogging thing again, I'm finding myself a little stuck. I feel like I can't be as open anymore and be honest about things that are actually going on in my life because once it's out there, that's it. It's open for everyone to see. So if I complain about something, or if I rant about a hard day, then I'm liable for the things I say. I don't want to be one of those people you read in the news who got fired over something she posted on Facebook, or get in trouble over a Tweet. I want to share, but when you're afraid of the consequences, exactly how much of yourself can you share?

Sometimes I look at people's pictures and get very afraid for them. Especially high school college students who are posting semi-inappropriate pictures on Facebook, it's scary. If you're looking into an internship or a job, those are the kind of things that you have to watch now, because possible employers can have a look at those pictures, decide then and there that you are not appropriate for the job (even if you might be), make a snap decision about your character, and you lose out on an opportunity. It's a scary thing that is all too possible in the age of the internet.

So back to my blog. I feel myself shrinking away from it sometimes. And I am glaringly aware that the more I try and censor myself, the less zing I have, and the less interesting my writings become. It's hard to be creative and write when you;re in this perpetual fear of "Can this come back to bite me in the ass? Can I get in trouble  for this? Deported? Fired?" You can;t be creative when you're in fear.

*Sigh* .......

Bookworm weekend : two new reads

I am so ready for a relaxing three-day weekend. I've two books to read and I'm excited for both! I'm reading "Red Tent" for book club, and I'm reading "The Last Hero" because I love Terry Pratchett. What better way to enjoy  this year than doing relaxing things like reading two good books?

Replying from Tengku Razaleigh(Ku Li)....

I have put a halt to two books i was reading - mockingbird and leila ahmed's muslim women, and they will go straight to the bookshelf for some reasons fairly obvious. I find the reading a bit tedious especially for mockingbird, where the dialogues are mundanely scattered and the narration too simply put; i'd prefer verbose, vivid description of an occurence and I find this wanting in this book. Harper Lee however, bagged the Pullitzer for this book while I don't question the basis for her selection I was hoping that the writing style would be more Booker-like. But I've heard that Pullitzer isn't much about literary and all and it's more on the tackling of the issues, the big revelations and what nots so I just have to come to terms that a Pullitzer is usually boring? :). Maybe yes and maybe not and this could only be one of the books that satisfies only a certain audience and unfortunately so, I am one who falls into the nonintended crowd.

As for Leila Ahmed I think her book should just find its resting place because at the moment, I'm building a library of too many literary fictions. All the readings for social science books will have to be put off with immediate effect until i decide otherwise. That is, if I really think I would want to read social science again (after reading masterpieces of a bunch of master storytellers, I doubt it's going to happen, though if it did it won't be too peculiar because it's been my cup of tea, for years)

And the reading for my first Ishiguro's now is complete, and I have included Ishiguro and Ian McEwan in the list of my favorite literary authors. Both of them posess similar prowess when it comes to language and the art of stori telling - reading their books make me want to go pursue MFA in creative writing :). (duhh...)Like my two other favorite authors - (Salman Rushdie and Amitav Ghosh), they are Booker laureates as well and I do so believe that any authors who had been at least longlisted in the prize will command a considerable amount of attention in their literary works and avoiding their books is simply, a big loss one cannot ignore.

It's like, one ignoring a much-deserved Oscars for any metrowealth movies under Ahmad Idzham's directorship, or anything measuring to its prestige, it's akin to that. How could one be so inconsiderately unappreciative,and notoriously, curmudgeonly culture-blind.

Good news on the horizon regarding Malaysian politics is that the our dear former finance minister (Ku Li) will be the director of by election Dun Galas. Good luck to him with that. I'm no UMNO man neither I am with PAS or PKR or even DAP but I see that some leader are really driving Malaysia into the right direction. We don't want any political idealists or 'mentaliti orang kaya' politicians to swarm our political scene with their rhetorics and turn in into some New World, Equality, Freedom-For-All Agenda but all we need now is a balanced leader who thinks more of his men and his country more than on wealth accumulation, or even on petit issue such as human rights? (WTF). Knowledge accumulation is fine and we need a leader who is decisive, political-savvy and concentrate his leadership on the the majority - for that is what democracy is all about - the taken care of the well-being of the majority. Are the majority of Malaysians orang kaya? Is everyone of them is so concerned and obsessed with human rights that they really desire the so-called liberations and equality? And these rhetorics...equal footing...level playing field...is it in every heart of each of us? Are we all so impoverished that we cannot feed famished stomachs at home and thus require the salvation of the upper hand to liberate us?

Is it all that severe...? I mean, life down here...

we shall see what happens in the future...but i have this wish that whatever changes that's gonna take its place...it won't one too drastic that some quarters are unable to cope with it ending up in wider marginalizations among us... those at the top won't be feeling the heat...because they are after all, too thick-headed with all this 'mentaliti orang kaya' issues and paying too much homage to the West that they forget who they really are....Asians full of compassion, tolerance and respect for each other.....

Philants That We Are ...

To abstain from reacting to wild accusations and ill-meaning allegations is a burden too much to bear, at least to some. I am taking the stand that as long as the majority of the population out there are letting themselves vulnerably misinformed by certain quarters (who architectured blatant lies and operated on the basis of 'let's find out who the scapegoats are'),I want to exercise this right of placing wisdom where it belongs.


And as much as there is this glimmer of hope that whatever we do still go by each day welcomed and appreciated by the enlightened few, philants that we are will continue to provide for any services that is required by the country. We all have meant well in the past, and surely we are going to continue to do so, come whatever obstacles waiting in our paths.

W.E.L.C.O.M.E-Like you've never seen before...

Seriously, who has a blog, and then doesn't update for almost 1 years? 1 years? ADD kittens have more attention span than I do. I think this says something about the last 1 years that things have come and gone and happened and not happened, and everything was just too difficult to put into words. To write on paper (or in this case, type on a screen) just makes things seem more real. Definite. Immovable. Part of my history.

The last two years has been an exercise in patience and letting go. The former I have experience, the latter is something I'm still working on. But I've let go of a few things in the past couple of years that I never thought would happen in this stage of my life: my car, a wife I cared about,a family I care about, friends who have been either let go so that either they can be happy, or so that I can.

Oh yes people, I'm now a part of the metropolitian  it's just kind of sick not to have to worry about things like how much you're spending on gas, insurance and parking.Friendships have a funny way of working out sometimes. Or not working out. The person you originally befriended can evolve into someone else you don't know. Sometimes the evolution is great, but in order for them to move forward, they need to leave you behind. Or vice versa. There were definitely some case (okay fine, ONE case) where I needed to leave people behind in order to be a better person and not get associated with the negative energy. I needed to love myself enough and do what was better in for the long run. I tried, gave it my best, be the best person I could have been, and since it still didn't work out, move on.

So that's one years in a nutshell. I know, it's not a lot, nothing about the places I've been and the people I've met and everyday happenings in life,but I want to move forward with my family. Look onwards and, hopefully, upwards. On to the next chapter.

by Firdaus Hasanudin