HUG

It's often said in 'The Secret' that the law of attraction will get you far in life, and positive thinking attracts positive things your way.  But there's something missing from this equation.  I like to call it "Let the Universe Give You a Hug."

This principle is very simple.  Whenever something bad, untoward, or unlucky happens, immediately stop, and think about how much you wish someone would tell you everything is going to be alright.  Then tell yourself, instead of everything is going to be alright, that you deserve a big hug, and that even though it's not perfect life you have, the universe loves you anyways. 

The reason this is so important is because positive thinking doesn't work well when something bad happens to us.  Humans are cautious by nature, and feel like they can expect bad things over time.  During a 'bad time' or 'a stroke of bad luck' we still need a way to weather stormy times.  Because positive thinking doesn't always bring good things our way.  Sometimes it brings bad things our way. 

From the thinking side of things, it's important we think about why things happen to us so we can move on with our lives.  Otherwise, we repeat the same mistakes, over and over again. And that's bad.

From the practical side of things, I find the desire to get a giant hug from something bigger and paternal key to making this make me feel infinitely better.  Because I think love is what you need to be happy in life, and how we should measure ourselves is not when things are great, but when things are difficult.  We all need a little love from something bigger than us when things are hard. 

So let the universe give you a hug.  It's feel really nice.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU HAVE

Sometimes living in a big city, you compare yourself and what you have to what other people have.  I know that I often find myself caught up in a race against other people and the things they are doing.  Often the feeling you are left with is, "Why does this person have so much, but I have so little?"  It's not the comparison that bothers me, I find, but the feeling your left with.  The feeling like there's a big hole where all the appreciation for what's in your life should be.

I find myself often thinking, "Yes, I have this, this and this, but I don't have this, this and this."  And the focus always seems to be on the things I don't have, on the problems in my life, on the little failures that don't actually mean anything.  And finally, I often ask, "Why can't I be happy, with all the good things in my life?"

Sometimes, when life gets off track, the one and only thing to remember is that happiness comes through trying, not through hoping happiness will arrive.  More than that, I realized that for the last couple years, I have been focusing on the problems that are in my life, on the things I wish that weren't in my life.  It's kind of like focusing on what you hate, about yourself, about your life, about your day.  And then I would try and pull myself out of some deep hole I was in by focusing on what I love and trying to busy myself with that.

What is strange is that when I thought back to those times when I was truly happy, I realized it wasn't because I wasn't focusing on what I loved, or what I hated.  Those two things are constantly in a battle for my attention, but that's not how we can be happy.  Instead, when I was happy, I was focused not on things, but on people.  And not on people that I love, but on the people that love me. It's not what I do, but what others do for me that makes me happy.  We can do all the good deeds in the world for our friends, and yes it can give us a kind of happiness.  But it's not what we do for our friends, or our families, our peers or strangers.  It's what they do for us.

It's not what you have.  It's what you are given that makes you happy.

FAMILY

I've had a rough couple weeks with being sick and all, and I have been pretty lucky because my wife checked in on me.  And I have been thinking a lot about the various kinds of relationships in my life, and which ones are good, which ones are ok, and which ones seem to do nothing but invite disaster in my life.  (I'm trying to remedy that number.  Eh heh.)  What I have been thinking about this week is all about family, and all about how much my family matters to me. 

You know, it's times like this that I think of Aristotle.  (Which is rare, because most days I choose not to think about Aristotle.  Not a fan, I guess.)  He had some really great ideas about the oikos, or 'family household' that still translate across the ages.  Artistotle said that the family was the building block for all society.  It allows people to become members of the polis (city-state) because it's the basic unit required for good living in a larger community.  In essence, society can't exist without families.  And, in a way, neither can we.  The family comes even before the individual, because you need a group of people to acknowledge roles and places in society.  (Now, I'm paraphrasing a bit) 

Anyways!

More importantly, I think it's important to remember how valuable it is to have a family, no matter how big, or how small.  Families can change, grow closer, move apart, but more than anything, families will always, in their own way, accept you for who you are, and help you when you really need it.  (Not necessarily when we always want it, but hey.  Can't always win.)

No group, organization, or other sort of group can replace your family.  They are yours for life, and their history and accomplishments are part of your successes, accomplishments, and happiness.  Of course, on the flip side, their negatives, their failures, and their inability to love at times is also part of your identity.

I really am lucky to have the family I have, even though it's not always perfect, and many times, it's pretty complicated.  But on the bright side of all that, I am lucky to have a family that is built on loving people in their own way.

The Difference Between Nice and a Friend...

 

You know, I learned sometime around January 2010 a really awful truth. 

'Nice' is not a good thing. 

Which is funny.  Not like 'ha-ha' funny, but more like, 'Am I on the Twilight Zone' sort of funny or 'Did that really just happen' sort of funny.  Odd, I suppose, is the right word.  It's strange how horrible nice can be. 

There are a lot of nice people in the world.  Nice means smiling, seeming to care, feigning interest, and generally remaining neutral to your cause, feelings, problems, and mistakes. 

Some people like having nice people around.  It's nice when people seem not to judge you, seem not to mind what you do, seem to like you.

But 'nice' isn't a picture of reality.  And nice people aren't your friends. 

Some of the worst things people have done to me have been while they had a smile on their faces.  They were trying to be nice.  You know, that thing that seemed so alright at the time?  But then all those nice people who were feigning interest about things you care about are still feigning interest while they watch your life collapse around you. 

Here's the difference between a friend and a nice person.  A nice person will walk by you in a burning building and comment, "That's really such a shame."  A real friend will pull you out of that burning building. 

We all have something in this world to give.  And some of the best people in the world I know, love and respect are not 'nice' people.  (Heck, most people wouldn't call my mother a 'nice' person, but she's the first to give her shirt off her back for people she absolutely despises.)  The people I love are: cranky, miserable, awkward, generally flawed people with eccentricities and foibles.   And I love them anyways.  And I hope they love me back the same.

It's hard not to want to be surrounded by 'nice'.  Everything's pleasant. no one judges your actions, you feel so safe. 

But, that's not real.  Good friendship to me requires a certain level of respect for a person, but also respect for their feelings, thoughts and actions.  Not to mention the ability to criticize those thoughts and actions when a person gets to close to the fire.  I think Nietzsche said it best when he said, "Go up close to your friend, but do not go over to him! We should also respect the enemy in our friend." 

In life, we are surrounded by enemies...inside ourselves and without.  But the best victories against these enemies come from a true friend.  Nice people just don't cut it in real life.