So, this week I've had some very hard decisions to make, and it just always reminds me, it never gets easier to make a difficult decision. You know, the kind where it's like, "I'm screwed if I do, I'm screwed if I don't."
What I've learned in these situations is that sometimes the only thing you can do is what is best, safest, healthiest, and the most important things is economical for you and yourself, and nobody else. And this often means that people are going to get hurt because of your decisions. That's right, the ones you wanted to make that you hope would benefit everyone else but you know it only benefits yourself. And you feel like a jerk because of it.
What I've learned over time is that if I don't respect myself and my needs, I will ultimately end up resenting the people I'm trying to please, or harbour deep seated grudges against others like it's their fault that I chose badly. But the truth is, I'm usually just angry at myself for making the worst kind of decision--the one that denies what I want and manages to screw me over at the same time.
When you make a decision that is right, versus a decision that feels right, you are choosing yourself over all others. And there is nothing harder for some people. (People like me, for example.) Sometimes, you have to choose yourself. And when you make a choice because it 'feels right' and stops you from having to face unpleasant realities, you're actually doing yourself a disservice. No one deserves to live in a dreamland. And more importantly, you and I will never grow if we continue to propogate those kind of decisions as decisions that are good for us.
At some point life is about waking up and realizing just how precious life is. We don't always catch the scent of it, we don't always know how valuable it is, but sometimes we only see it right before we have to make one of those kind of decisions--the hard ones. And life is all about choices.
In the end, all we have are the choices we make....
